


You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen

by woIfstar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Sirius Black, Declarations Of Love, First Love, Friendship/Love, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Marauders, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Top Remus Lupin, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29706822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woIfstar/pseuds/woIfstar
Summary: "'You remind me of that blue-eyed boy that the girls at Hogwarts were in love with' he jokes, looking at him through the mirror reflection, and begins to trace his face with his forefinger. 'You're the same, Padfoot, you just need a few extra pounds and confidence.'[...]Sirius wanted to kiss him, but he wasn't sure if after all these years Remus was still going to want him."Sirius and Remus's first time post-Azkaban. Remus tries to convince Sirius that he is still as handsome as he ever was.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64





	You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> I just wanted to warn you that english is not my first language, in fact, I am brazilian and this fanfic was written for the first time in portuguese. I did my best in the translation, but it probably won't be perfect.  
> I hope you like it, correct me if something is wrong, please!!
> 
> My twitter: @kiwire_

Since Sirius has came back, Remus was trying to do your best to care of the one who was your lover for so many years.  
He still remember the day when they met each other again, after the night in The Shrieking Shack with Harry. Remus had just resigned of his job and, with nowhere to go after lose your room in Hogwarts, Sirius called him to stay in his home, wich belonged family Black one day.  
Lupin had never stepped on that house before, but he remember to hear the teenager Sirius saying how that place was cold and morbid. Almost twenty years later, it wasn’t different, maybe just with some more dust on the furniture and mold on the wallpaper.  
Sirius passes the most of his time locked in the room wich belonged to him until your fifteen years old. Remus didn’t go there, but peeked and saw that there was a lot of pictures of them young. In the few moments that the host come out of his cave, he sits at the kitchen table to eat just a small amount of food. Your hair still dark and long, but tied up in a messy bun, looking like a bird’s nest. Your smell wasn't good, but Remus hesitated to ask him if he was taking a shower regularly. Sirius Black was worse than ever, and Remus couldn’t find a way to make him come back to normal after so many traumas.  
In that afternoon had been the first meeting of the Order of Phoenix, was like a avalanche of emotions. Years ago they were doing the same role, listening the Dumbledore’s lessons, the orders of Moody, Molly fighting with her young children. But years ago there was too James, Lily, Peter, Marlene, Dorcas… All of them standing around the table, being the youngest and the most courageous.  
Sirius, sitting at the head of the table, saw Harry wanting to give an opinion on the subject like an adult. Like James Potter. Raising his voice like your father, looking through the glasses with your mother’s eyes. The last Order of Phoenix meeting that Sirius remember to join, Harry was just a baby who used to cry in his mother’s arms when the adults yelled with each other. But now he’s there and…  
Sirius couldn’t handle this. He just couldn’t. He stood up almost knocking over the chair and and went upstairs towards his room.  
Everyone stopped talking when they saw the scene.

“I don't think he has the sanity to attend meetings” opposes Moody, with his accusatory tone of voice.

“It’s hard for him” Remus defends. “Being in this house, returned from azkaban… He’ll be fine, just need some time”. 

Dumbledore looked pleased with his answer, giving a supportive smile — Remus wanted to ask him where this support was when he didn’t even helped in the Sirius’ unfair judgment —, and Moody looked bored. 

“I’m going upstairs to see how he is” Remus complete. “I think it’s better end the meeting for today.”

With the expulsion already implied in his speech, everyone leaves the house and Remus finally manages to go after his friend.  
He knocks on the door, but no one answers. He opens it in a breach.

“Sirius? I can enter?”

He hears a murmur, something like a "yes", then enters. He finds him kneeling on the bed, with his hair tangled loose over his face and with a letter in his hands. When Remus approaches, he sees the calligraphy that was once from Lily, it had been many years since he had seen that letter, but he remembers well the day Sirius received it. It was the morning after Christmas, they were lying in bed together when the Potter’s owl hit the window with the paper in its beak. The two laughed when they saw the photo of Harry with the small broom that Sirius had chosen. That memory seemed to have been from a past life.  
Delicacy was never Remus' forte, but he knelt beside Sirius and took the letter from his hands as gently as he could. Sirius wasn't even reading it, just holding it so tightly that he crumpled it, letting tears flow down his face like an open tap.  
Remus hugged him, stroked the back of his neck and let him wet his shoulder as much as he needed. He also missed his friends.

“H-Harry” Sirius stutters. “H-he's like J-James…”

Remus holds him tighter against his body. He doesn't want to hear Sirius say what he already knows. He continued to babble about them, but Remus' tightening of his body made him calm down to the point that the two of them were lying on the bed entwined just listening to each other's breathing.

"I didn't mean to do that" Sirius murmurs, no longer sobbing.

“Hm?” asked Remus, he was distracted, running his fingers through the strands of his hair and trying to untie the knots.

“I didn't want to cry. I did not want…”

“There is no problem in crying, everyone cries” he replied, putting his hair aside and stroking his cheek, where his beard was already long and untrimmed for a long time.

“I didn't want to be as I am today. I feel worthless. How can I be a good godfather to Harry if I can't even look at him without wanting to cry? How can I be a good godfather if I can barely get out of bed?”

“They are all phases, you have gone through many of them and will go through this one too, Padfoot.”

Sirius opens his mouth to say something but then closes it. He sinks his face into the curve of Remus' neck and takes a deep breath.

“Can you say that again?”

“What? They are just phases and…”

“No, not that. My nickname. I haven't heard it in a long time.”

Remus' throat catches, he also barely remembers the last time he was called Moony.  
"Padfoot," he whispers, just for him. “Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot …”

“Moony” he echoes, Remus feels like he's been rejuvenated for at least ten years.

They continue to lie down repeating their nicknames for a long time until the whispers become so low that they need not say anything else. Remus thought Sirius was asleep and loosened his tangled wires again, until he heard him say:

“I thought about shaving my hair ... There.”

There. It was how they had been calling Azkaban, because the name is too hard to be said.

“I didn't want to lose the only thing that reminded me of who I am, but now ... It sucks.”

Sirius was different, but he didn't look like someone else. He was just a lot thinner, almost malnourished, with deep dark circles and poor care. But his blue eyes had not changed, nor had his long fingers that were once filled with rings, or his perfectly straight nose and dimple in his right cheek. But he would not realize this, he would perceive only what he had lost.

“I can try to get it back” Remus offers.

That was how the two ended up in the bathroom, Sirius lying in the bathtub that was prepared by Remus, while the other sat on the edge of it, with the tube of conditioner and a long-toothed comb in hand.

“I tried my best not to let knots build up, but I had nothing to untangle them and there comes a point when you can't care about anything else ... I think being in Padfoot's form just made it worse.”

It was complicated, but not impossible. While Sirius had his eyes closed, Remus started to untangle them from the tips to the root. It took almost three hours and an entire tube of conditioner. Remus' wrists hurt and there was a tuft of black hair on his side, which had fallen off in the process.  
After he came out of the water, Sirius wrapped himself in a robe and accepted when Remus offered to trim his beard. He hated looking at his reflection in the mirror, but when he finished it looked less worse.  
He looked younger. He was thirty-four again, instead of looking like an old man in his fifties. And Remus smiled at him.

“You remind me of that blue-eyed boy that the girls at Hogwarts were in love with” he jokes, looking at him through the mirror reflection, and begins to trace his face with his forefinger. “You're the same, Padfoot, you just need a few extra pounds and confidence.”

Sirius wanted to tell him, but he didn't want to be emotional again. He wanted to say that that moment looked like all the others when they were teenagers, in the dorm at Hogwarts, when they locked themselves in the bathroom so that James wouldn't see them kissing at night.  
Sirius wanted to kiss him, but he wasn't sure if after all these years Remus was still going to want him.  
In the reflection of the mirror, Sirius' cheeks were scrawny, his eyes bulged and highlighted by the purple beneath them, and his lips were rough and cut by the constant cold he had been through for so many years. His body was no different. He couldn't imagine being wanted, not that way.  
And Remus hadn't changed. It was still him, or an older version of the boy he has known since he was eleven. With a beard, a few more scars and thinner hair. But it's him, as handsome as he ever was, and without looking like an undead the way Sirius felt. He took the hand that is still resting on his face and kissed it.

"I wish I could see myself the way you see me," Sirius says.

"You'll make it," he replies and kisses him on the forehead.

So close that they could even feel each other's breath, Remus leaned in a few inches and almost touched Sirius' lips with his own. He felt the same chill in his belly that he felt when he was going to kiss him for the first time.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, unsure if it was the right attitude.

"Please," the words came out of Sirius's mouth almost desperately.

His lips pressed together and Remus clung to that face he had been missing for so many years. The kiss was uncertain, while Lupin had other affairs during that decade, Black could barely remember what it was like to kiss someone. Remus asked for passage with his tongue and Sirius gave in, melting when he felt their contact, when he felt him hold the back of his neck and pull him closer, when he was placed against the bathroom sink. His hands went down to his chest and, even over his shirt, he could feel his heart pounding.  
As they parted and resumed the air, Remus kissed his face, his jaw, his chin, his neck again, saying:

“I missed you so much ... So, so, so much.”

“Me too” Sirius almost moans, it has been a long time since he was touched, that he did not receive the least affection, he shivered with every word. “I missed you too. Every single day.”

He had his mouth taken again. He put his hands on Remus' face and just allowed himself to feel it in his hands. He just wanted to feel anything that reminded him that he was still alive — Remus was one of those things. He grabbed his soft hair and made Remus drop from his mouth. Sirius was getting out of control, dropping his kisses onto his neck and biting his skin to hear him gasp.  
He felt his hands hold the knot of his robe and stopped.

“No!” he said immediately, making Remus startle and release him.

“What did I do? Did I do something wrong?”

“No! No, no, no, I just…” Sirius closes his eyes, cursing himself mentally. “I don't want you to see me without clothes.”

“I just saw you in the bathtub…”

“But it's different, you didn't see me at all, I don't want you to see me.”

Remus held him by the face affectionately and resumed eye contact. He quickly sealed his lips but soon said:

"Do you remember when I was ashamed of my scars and didn't want you to see them?"

“It's different, Moony…”

“I was afraid you wouldn't like me, but you continued to love me the same way, didn't you?”

Sirius nodded his head.

“You're still the same guy I've been in love with all these years. You are still beautiful to me.”

Remus' hand covered the identification tattoo Sirius had on his neck, they were both aware of it, but for the first time Sirius seemed not to care about the presence of the tattoo marked on his body.

“I don't want you to see me because you will see everything that I've been through all these years and ... I don't want you to know.”

Remus' other hand came down his arm, caressing him, he nodded, leaning his forehead against his.

“You said that my scars showed how strong I am.”

“And you are.”

“So what makes you think that you are not as strong either?”

Sirius is left with no answer for that.

"I'll wait for you." Remus said at last. “The day, if one day, you want to show me, or tell me, or let me touch you... I will wait, without any hurry, because I love you.”

Sirius kissed him.

“I love you too…” he hugs his waist, he didn't want to let go of the hug they were in. “And I want you to touch me, in the dark, if you want…”

“Do you feel ready?”

“Yes. With you, yes.”

Then, in the bedroom, Remus turned off the lights and joined Sirius under the covers.

"Just tell me to stop if you don't feel well," asked Remus, starting to spread kisses on his face.

“Moony, I don't know if I'm going to make it ... You know, my body is different, I haven't done things like that for many years, I don't know if I can still stay …”

“Shh…” Remus silences him by quickly kissing his mouth and going over him. “We'll find out. I'll make you come.”

The last words made Sirius think of himself reaching an orgasm and he felt something different appear in his belly. He felt like he had returned to puberty. He took his partner's lips again.  
He also wanted to touch him, so he grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it high enough to feel his skin. Even in the dark, he still knew how to recognize the places where Remus had his old scars, the line of hair that went down to his intimacy, the mark that Greyback once left close to his waist when he was just a child… The adult Remus was no longer ashamed of it all the way the teenage Remus was, and helped him unbutton his own shirt. Now Sirius ran his hands over his chest, also with more hair than he had when he was young, but that only made him more attractive. His back, his shoulders over his, the volume Sirius feels inside the jeans he wore, going against your leg.  
He tried to ignore the fact that his robe was open at the chest and that Remus was kissing more and more down his collarbone. He took his hand to his pants and unzipped the button and zipper to relieve the pressure he felt, then heard him relax close to his ear.  
Remus took his wrist and brought his hand close to his erection.

“Are you feeling this?” he asked, quietly near his ear. “It's what you do to me, no matter how.”

Sirius tried not to think about what it might have been like if the lights were on, if Remus would be as hard as he is now. He also tried not to think about the fact that he was not as hard as he was, and that he should be, but that perhaps nervousness for being the first time in so long would not allow him to stay so quickly. However, Remus didn't seem to mind his delay, so Sirius tried to remember that he promised to wait for him.

“I can open?” Remus asked, hand on the robe knot. Even in the dark he could see Sirius nodding.

He stood up a little and let the robe slide over his shoulders until he was completely naked on the sheets. There was a small crack of light coming from under the door of some other room that had been lit outside, with this small source of light, Remus was able to see the trail of tattoos that started on his chest and went to the end of his belly, as well as the ones that were all over his arms.  
Touching him, he felt his ribs evident, his waist thinner, the bone protruding from his hip. Sirius no longer had the body of a Quidditch athlete, or else, of a boy who ate all the meals of the day. But he would recover.  
Remus kissed one of her nipples while squeezing the other with one hand, Sirius squirmed at his touch. He came back up, bit his earlobe and whispered to him again:

“You were always so sensitive…” his hand goes down his belly, passes straight through his member that started to come to life and tightens his thigh. “This is so attractive.”

A heavy sigh from Sirius, which was almost a groan, came out of his throat when Remus' hand went over his groin.

“Remus…” he calls.

“Say, darling.”

He doesn't say, instead, he starts to pull Remus' pants down with his underwear.

“I want to touch you” he gathers all the strength possible to say, while Remus still hurried to take his clothes off his thighs.

“I want you to touch me too” he replied once he was naked, having Sirius' mouth on his again.

Sirius' hands were always big, now they were also calloused but as affectionate as they always were. They run down Remus' back, his hips until he reaches his member, making Remus hold his breath the moment Sirius starts to massage him.

“Tell me if I'm doing it right…”

"You are" he replied immediately, clinging to his shoulders. "Keep it up, faster."

Sirius increased his speed, feeling Remus's breathing become more and more irregular and his legs started to shake.

“S-Sirius I will…” Remus tries to say, then grabs his wrist so he stops. “Stop! I want to... I want to come with you.”

Remus was panting, completely sensitive to minor touches and sweaty. Sirius thought he could never see a scene as heavenly as that.  
He kept one hand on his member, squeezing the base, and brought the other to his neck, making him look up at him.

“Do you want to do this inside me?”

Remus' eyes widened a little, he was certainly not prepared for such a suggestion so quickly, but Sirius also could not hold back the desire that ran through his body at that very moment. He needed Remus, and he needed inside of him.  
Remus, barely able to speak, nodded several times and kissed him again. He was also quick to reach out and grab his wand that was on the nightstand, casting a lubricating spell, he knew it wouldn't be easy for Sirius after all these years.

"Let me know if I'm going too far," was all he managed to say.

"Don't worry.”

The way Remus prepared Sirius hasn't changed in all that time, since they were 21 years old. Sirius arched his back at the feel of his forefinger near his entrance, caressing him and then penetrating him. It was like his first time, he ended up contracting.

"Relax for me," Remus asks, his other hand spreading one of his thighs and opening his legs again. “You look beautiful like that.”

He moved his finger while Sirius did everything to end his tension. Remus, realizing that he was getting easier, introduced the second, receiving a new hoarse groan in response. He moves more, feeling Sirius' body becoming more and more manipulable under his body, more and more given. He leaned in to receive more, so that his fingers would go deeper, and that was what Remus gave him. When he reached his pleasure point, he continued to press on until he heard Sirius groan his name as if imploring. He had finally gone completely erect, and that was as close to an orgasm as he had had in all those years, ready to end as an inexperienced teenager.  
Remus removed his fingers without warning, Sirius opened his eyes when he missed them inside. Panting, red-cheeked, fingers digging into the mattress.

“I'll try now” Remus warns, as much as Sirius wanted to say that he didn't need to ask permission in the face of the state that the two were in.

He felt him at his entrance and groaned loudly as he felt him inside, clinging tightly to his back. Remus could reach his climax just by how tight he was, but he tried to control himself, tried not to move until he allowed it.  
Sirius was trying to catch his breath and not letting go of the pain, they had already done it many times, they could do it again. Then he moved his hips against him, feeling him sink deeper. Remus began to move at the same pace, increasing in intensity as Sirius' moans ceased to sound like discomfort.  
Remus found Sirius' pleasure spot again and increased speed against him. Sirius, feeling his body getting hotter and his conscience getting more distant, wrapped his legs around Remus' waist, making him enter completely.

"Sirius" he groaned, holding his face. “Open your eyes. Look at me.”

Sirius hadn't even realized he had his eyes closed.

“I want to see your face completely…” he moans again, his legs shake for a moment but Sirius keeps him going. “I want to see your face, let me turn on a light” he says quickly, before he could not continue talking.

“Remus…”

“Please... Please, Sirius… Let me see you…” he continued to moan.

Sirius still didn't want him to see his body completely, so he picked up Remus' wand that was still lying on the edge of the bed and whispered "Lumos!", leaving the small source of light on the pillow beside them.

“Better that way?” asked with difficulty, Remus kisses him again.

“I want you with your eyes open. I want you to look at me.”

And Sirius continued to look, grabbed the strands at Remus' nape as the thrusts grew stronger against his most sensitive spot and fought to keep from rolling his eyes.

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen" he heard Remus babble at some point before the two finally lost meaning in each other.

In the end, Remus used a spell to clean them and Sirius hugged him again, his head so empty that his insecurities about being too thin or something like that didn't even cross his mind. He just wanted to continue to have Remus' arms around him for the rest of the night and continue to hear the beautiful things he had said, even if those beautiful things were just his moans.

"And you were worried that you couldn't get there," Remus joked, Sirius laughed.

“I was nervous.”

“I know, love” he caresses his back. Sirius feels a tightness in his heart when he is called "love", maybe he was just realizing that he was back in the arms of someone who really loved him.

“You are also beautiful, I should have told you that.”

Remus smiled at him, running his fingers over his shoulders and up to his temple, where he left a kiss.

“I told you, you look beautiful in every way” he kisses you on the cheek again. On your forehead, your cheek, your nose, your eyes, your lips… “Beautiful when you were young, beautiful now, beautiful when you are angry, beautiful when you are moaning, beautiful when you are melted in my arms…”

And Sirius continued to laugh, trying to believe those words. He wasn't sure if he would ever get his self-esteem back, but if Remus still wants him the way he says it, it might be the first step for him to love himself again.

"I love you," he said to Remus.

"I love you, too," he replies. “I always have and always will.”

**Author's Note:**

> My twitter: @kiwire_


End file.
